Beards, Bad Breath, Sandals and Socks

Beards, bad breath, sandals and socks....

...probably what you'd expect to find at a clergy conference but things have moved on in the church and although hairy halitosis can still be found lingering in the corners - you are more likely to be met with designer stumble, iPads and famous labels...

This is not just because the church has modernised but something that has gone even deeper than that - the consumerisation of the church

Inbuilt in capitalism is the notion of choice - or more bluntly - the idea that we express our choices by consuming defining who and what we are by what we buy!

Since Henry VII there has been ecclesiastical choice but the nature of that choice is far greater today than ever before and runs deep in modern Christian physic - no longer is anyone a Methodist, Anglican or whatever - we go to the church we like, that has the style of worship we enjoy, the vicar who thinks like us or at least the one we haven't fallen out with yet!

The proof of this can be seen in the numbers of people who turn up on the first Sunday of the new minister...

So I'm stood behind a stall for a charity at a clergy conference with the aforementioned designer stumble, iPads and famous labels (the clergy not me - well ok I admit I gave designer stumble and am writing this on my iPad!!) - we are not selling anything - just offering the church a chance to live out the gospel - am I the busiest stall?

No - clergy check out the logo and pass me by on the other side... (even the Christian Naturalists are struggling to attract people - and the irony of placing them next to a vestment stall!!)

I'm told its because I have no sweets to bribe these men and women of God with and I need more helium filled balloons to entice people who celebrate the God who created the world!

Yet the stalls selling books are busy and the vestment stalls are packed and they have no cheap gimmicks

You may argue that books and vestments are important to clergy - but surely so is enabling your congregation to live out faith...

In the church we have become consumers - paying our money and taking our choice - being drawn to the cash-till altar rather than the sacrificial communion table.

We are defined by the colour of clerical shirt we buy as much as whether it's apple or android, a church is seen as successful by the numbers it attracts not the authenticity of its mission - we buy into discipleship programmes that promise growth, copyright styles of outreach and define our worship by brand.

So ignored I sit and write a rant - and fail to follow Christ as much as the clergy who pass me by - so I'll stop writing on my iPad and get up and follow Christ - I do believe I have a few tables to overturn....

Pointless TV

So it's the weekend and due to the Revd Mrs being ill in bed I have control of the remote and time just to chill as she sleeps it off!

Of course there is nothing on!

I'm old enough to remember the hype over the new 4th TV channel launching and now we have so many channels and it is very much a case of quantity over quality!

So I flick through the channels and rest upon a quiz show - Pointless. This is not just Pointless, this is Celebrity Pointless!

I pride myself on only recognising half of these apparently famous contestants and not really knowing what any of them do.

But why are they on my TV? And when did we start to devalue celebrity?

First we had the voyeuristic reality TV as we watched strangers interacting in false situations in a bid to win money and make a name for themselves, to become a celebrity and we celebrated them for what? For being crass enough to go on TV and show the nation just how ignorant they were!

Then came the reality talent shows - for a country than banned the freak show we welcomed these modern day freak shows with delight as we laughed at hopefuls, with a voice that even Bob Dylan would be ashamed of, cry as they were cruelly rejected with scorn from the would-be dream-makers. Memorised as we hear the heart-breaking story of the desperate would be divas who assure us it's all they have ever wanted.  Led up the stereotypical garden path as with 5 mins of the programme left the strange looking lady with weird mannerisms and squeaky speaking voice actually (surprise, surprise) can sing!

Then the actual celebrities took over and no self respecting weekend schedule is complete without talented people doing stuff they are not talented at!

Am I the only person who wants to see people who are good at ballroom actually dancing rather than criticising a rugby player for his lack of rhythm...

And now we have celebrity quiz shows and we are encouraged to applaud these famous people because they are playing for charity! Never was a quiz show more aptly named: Pointless.

Who gains from such programmes? The charity? Only by a few hundred pounds and a couple of name checks - nowhere do we learn of the work they support so that we may choose to part with our hard-earned cash to support their good cause!

Ordinary people raise far more money for charities than these celebrities ever do and in my book these are they real stars.

The TV companies certainly benefit as we feed our celebrity habit with yet another fix on a drug now so cut and diluted we can't get enough of it.

But most of all the celebrities benefit as they build up their profile in the public eye - which surely is nothing more than a thinly disguised attempt to further their careers.

Ever wondered what Saturday night TV looks like in the kingdom of God?

Ordinary people on quiz shows winning money for good causes and being valued as equals with the actors in the drama and the sports stars of the late night sports show that follow.

Sheep:
1) All those who give of their time and money to support causes they believe in that help others and do stupid things like running marathons!

Goats;
1) Celebrities that use charity to further their career
2) The Reality TV Talent show empresario who makes money out of ridiculing people in front of millions of TV viewers